January 3, 2010 - After I'm gone...

When we reach our "elder" or "senior" years, we begin to look back and ask ourselves, "What was my life about? What was it for, the purpose of it all?" At least I do. After watching CBS Sunday Morning today where they reviewed people who had passed away in 2009, once again I began to wonder "why" about a lot of things.

Like, why was there not one single thing I could be passionate about from an early age, something I could have devoted my energy to doing instead of switching from one thing to another, never becoming a master at anything, and only mediocre, at best, of few, or many things? I truly envy those people who have a desire to focus on one particular thing in their life. My sons were lucky to be like that. They each had a specific area where they had an undying interest to achieve, whether it be as a policeman, a chef, or an expert with knowledge of comic art as well as art in general. We, as parents, attempted to encourage each of these areas while allowing them to explore other things as well. But, for them, they knew what they wanted to do, and were able to focus on just those areas.

While I realize it was because of how they grew up my parents never once asked me what I wanted to do with my life, or what I had an interest in. My father, God rest his soul, was never close to me. He was a tool and die engineer, and all I ever heard from him was "be and engineer". I never ever looked into being an engineer, mostly because I heard that so many times I would not have been one if it was the only thing there was to do in the world.

Looking back, even when I was young, I could never settle on anything. There were always too many things I found interesting, and if I started one thing, eventually I would loose interest in that and start something else. This process probably had nothing to do with how I was raised, but I guess I will never know. I mean, other people have problems growing up, yet they have things or something they focused on and made their way in the world. So, the bottom line was and is, the problem, whatever it is, is within, not the result of some external force or parents.

Some people have been kind enough to suggest things I could do, like join the Peace Corp. While I have the utmost respect for the people that have done that, it's not me. Others say, go to school and learn something. Okay. What do I want to learn? If I had it to do over again, what would I study? Architecture? I'd love to have the ability to create beautiful and functional buildings that would allow the people in them to achieve their best... No, perhaps I'd study Journalism. I'd like to be a reporter, gather stories of people, real people, and let the world know what's really going on... And, I'd like to study Art History, how and where color comes from, how did the Impressionists layer their paintings, bringing the colors together to capture a moment in time that will be appreciated for many after they passed... I'd really like to study Marine Biology as I love the sea and all the wonders and nourishment one finds within the world below us... History has a special place in my heart, albeit small, to allow all to look back at how we arrive here, and how things might have been different if only... I wish I had studied languages so I could travel and speak to the people of the world, learn about them, and how their lives and cultures developed...

And now you see just a portion of why I envy people who were able to focus on something, have a passion about something. I was asked more than once in my life what my passion was, or is. I could never come up with something, so I evaluated the person I was speaking with, and lied to them, telling them what I thought they wanted to hear in order for me not be be fired from my job.

Even though I know my lack of achieving anything of merit is based within, it does not make one feel any better knowing that once I'm history that the words brought to mind when, or if, someone thinks of my time on earth will end up being..."Yeah, I remember him. He was really great at......?

January 2, 2009 - 'nuther Saturday of cold weather...

We still have a somewhat small pile of snow beside our mailbox. I think it's waiting around to see if anymore will fall before it's all melted.

Went to the mall to get some exercise and not freeze in the process. We're not 'mall walkers' per se, more like mall strollers (legs and lower torso), ooops, found something (eyes and upper chest from breathing heavy sighs), extract wallet (arm muscles), and buy it (tear ducts)...

Having exercised, we stopped at Chick-filet and had a small bowl of chicken noodle soup (more exercise - lifting) and relaxed after such a strenuous half hour.

Left the mall and headed to Trader Joe's. We have found they have some really good buys from a food standpoint. We found some cranberry almond biscotti which sounded pretty good. And, we bought some veggies as well. So far today I've only had an apple, two hard crackers with sunflower butter and honey, and the bowl of chicken noodle soup. This is to make up for the all the desert I ate yesterday. My wife didn't want anymore, so I felt if I didn't get rid of it, I would be eating it for several days. It was something called a truffle of trifle, take your pick. It was made with angel food cake, vanilla pudding, raspberries throughout, and topped with whipped cream and shreds of white chocolate! Needless to say, it was all I could do to manage to eat most of the half that was left! So, today, I'm atoning for my effort!

Went to see "Me and Orson Welles" last night at the Westhampton at Grove and Libby. Excellent movie! It was not only enjoyable, but there were some previews of upcoming films that look really good as well. They seem to come out with too many good movies all at once, and then there are none for a long spell. We managed to get a free drink and an almost free popcorn. It used to be free, but they now have it 'free for a dollar'. However, one does still save some money doing it that way.

We have entered the season of the gum balls! That is the dreaded time when all those little balls hanging from the gum trees begin to drop so that they can grace ones yard. If the ground is hard, one can sprain an ankle walking across ones yard. If the ground is soft, then one pushes them into the ground as they walk, and the next thing one knows is that they have a lot of new gum trees sprouting in their lawn. I use the term 'lawn' loosely, as what I have is a yard that was covered pretty much with crabgrass before I killed most of it, and currently have a few strands of grass remaining with a lot of mud.

I spread $60 worth of grass seed in December, after which it was immediately soaked by one of the many monsoon rains we have in December, to be followed by our snow and freezing temperatures. I will be interested to see if any of it germinated. Next month, I'm going to spread fertilizer and lime. Why? I have no idea, except that I like to think I'm cultivating a lawn with real grass. Last resort - buy a spray painter and spray paint the yard green. I've been hoping it would all turn to moss. Moss is perfect! Green, soft, doesn't need mowing or fertilizing, but, no luck so far, except in the driveway. But then, I can get grass to grow in the driveway. Perhaps I'll start parking in my yard...

New Year's Eve was a quiet one for us. Went to bed around 11pm. Ginny said she was awake at midnight but did not hear anyone firing off firecrackers as in the past. I was glad they didn't. At least I got to keep sleeping!

Short story is going well. I have no idea where it's going, but that's part of the fun - letting the characters drive the story and take it where they want it to go. Many times I have been pleasantly surprised as where they took me. But then, sometimes they lead me down a dark alley and I can't find my way out.

Well, I guess I'll plug in the TV and watch something...

December 31, 2009 - Last days and miniature railroads

We just finished welcoming in the new year in Paris. Unfortunately, it was via the internet and a web cam pointed to at the Eiffel Tower, but, I guess it's the next best thing to being there.

We went to a new restaurant in the Fan for lunch today. It's a place called Garnett's located at 2001 Park. It was written up in the local paper this morning in glowing terms, but we had been told before that by our personal restaurant critic, our son, that it was excellent. With two votes of approval we just had to try it out, and it was well worth it!

The food is mostly sandwiches, and has prices that are very reasonably. They make their own pickles, and Boston brown bread, as well as any pastries around for breakfast. I wanted to buy a loaf of the Boston brown bread, but they cannot sell it by the loaf, as that would require yet another, different license.

We each ordered a sandwich and then shared by her giving me half of hers, and I gave her half of mine. "Her" is that Ginny person I share my life with. By sharing we were able to taste two different things. Also, they have "French" potato salad, which was REALLY good! By the time we finished, we were too full for desert, but that's a good thing.

On the way down there, we crossed over the rail yards on I-95 south. When I looked down on it from the bridge, the tracks and trains looked so small. I thought once again how some things we once wanted never seemed quite high enough on our priority list to obtain over the course of our life. The latent desire evoked by seeing the trains was one I had when I was very younger; I wanted to have a really nice model train layout when I grew up.

Many decades ago, when I was around eleven years old, I used to enjoy building model buildings to be used on a train layout, even though I never had one growing up. I made them from plans I found in one of the model train magazines, or something I created myself. They were made out of balsa wood, and I took pains to make them look realistic, using cellophane for the windows, cutting indentation lines in the sides in order that they looked like real siding, and placing trees and shrubs around them for landscaping.

The town I grew up in from the age of ten through high school was a small town in central Indiana named Marion. One day, while riding who knows where on my bike, I stopped at the old, no longer used, train station. When I looked in the windows, I saw before me a huge model train layout. It was HO gauge, which is relatively small when compared to, say, a Lionel train.

I went around to the door to see if it was open, and it was! I went inside and saw a man down at the other end. He told me I was welcome to look around, so I did. The layout occupied the entire building. It was a miniature world, complete with mountains, rivers, and small towns with cars and miniature people. The trees and shrubs were made from green colored sponges. I was mesmerized as the trains passed by me, the sound of their wheels on the tracks making me wish I could hop on and see where they were headed. I had never seen something as wonderful as this.

The man, a Mr. Knudsen I was to learn, hobbled down to where I was. He towered over me, but then, when I was eleven, everyone towered over me. He wanted to know what I thought of his layout. I told him it was really neat, and did he need, or want any additional buildings, that I built them for fun. He told me to bring them in, and he would take a look at them, no promises.

The next time I came down there, which was probably the next day, I brought a house and a business like building with me to see what he thought. I don't know whether or not he really liked them, but he allowed me to place them on his layout with the caveat that once there, they had to stay forever. I was thrilled my buildings became a permanent part of that layout! I don't remember if I ever built anymore for him, or how many times I went there. I wish I did remember. Today, on occasion, I think wanting a layout, but I have never had the place, the money, and, in reality, the desire, I suppose, or I would have it by now.

After I left Marion, I joined the army, and discovered the real world. The miniature one that I used to think was the best thing there was faded into the distance as I became restless to see the real one.

It was many years before I went back to Marion, not having fond memories of the place when I left. While there, I went in search of the train station to see what the train layout might look like then. It was not there. It was gone. Not only the layout, but the entire station. I felt that Mr. Knudsen must have passed away as he was getting old while I was still very young. If he were alive, I never found out, and had I, I don't know if I would have searched him out or not.

Perhaps things would have been different had I not joined the army and stayed in Marion, gone to college, gotten a job there, and lived there the rest of my life, the way many of the people I grew up with ended up doing. Perhaps, but I'm glad I will never know, because the path I did opt to take has been an incredible ride, and will, I hope, continue for many more years to come!

December 30, 2009 - one day left...

Well, here it is, the day before New Year's Eve. We spent the afternoon at Starbucks sipping our drinks and reading. It was mostly cloudy and cold today, so it was a nice day to do that. We might even do it again tomorrow...

Weather forecast is calling for a warmup into the fifties and rain for New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. Then it will turn cold once again. I was hoping for snow, but I don't think we will have anymore this winter. It looks like it may be cold, but I think it will be dry as well. We had a really wet November and December, so I wouldn't be surprised.

On the other hand, my son in Maine is saying they are expecting snow from a storm that is due to start Friday and run through Sunday. If is does happen, he said they would measure the result in feet, not inches. Unfortunately, he found out why the people they bought the house from left the snowblower behind... It doesn't work anymore!

We survived the first snow in good fashion, which is why it wouldn't bother me if we had another storm or two this year. Only, this time, I wish it would snow during the day instead of during the night when I'm asleep. I like watching it fall. It's nice and white, and quiet, usually.

We took one of our granddaughters to the movie yesterday. We had a great time and enjoy getting to spend some time with her. It won't be long before she'll be so busy in her own life we'll be an afterthought. The movie we saw was Alvin and the Chipmunks... It was cute, I guess, and the special effects in those movies are amazing. However, I can't say any chipmunk I've ever seen was the size of a large squirrel, but hey, details, details.

I began working on a new short story yesterday. Don't know what I'll do with it after I write it. Maybe a contest, maybe submit for sale. I have another one I want to write as well, and want to do that before I start going through my book again for another pass before sending to a possible publisher.

Ah! I am SOOOOO glad I don't have to go back to work after the holidays!

I saw a bit on TV where they can now teach people to be happy. Amazing! I find it interesting people need to be taught to be happy. I guess they don't learn that from their social networking or games they play on the computer.

I also saw where they are experimenting with game like devices to teach in the first grade. The children using these don't need to be taught how to use the device as it is just like the mindless video games devices they have their little faces glued to most of the time anyway. The teachers using them say the children's test scores have improved quite a bit. I guess the children feel they can gain some local fame by scoring big that way. It will be interesting to see what the retention is during the following years. If it works, and they actually learn to think as well as learn, I'm all for it. If they become more like robots and are powerless unless they have one of these devices in their hands, then I guess the government will consider them a success. Pop out the battery, and you have a robotic slave who will do anything they are told...

Many years ago I was at a seminar on databases outside of Miami. While having dinner one evening after a session, I began to talk with another man. I made a comment that I seriously felt that the use of calculators in grade school through sophomore year in high school was wrong, as the students needed to learn to use the calculator they had between their ears. Boy! This guy went off on that. I think he must have been a calculator salesman or something.

Well, on that note, I will leave you, whoever you are. I have no way of knowing if anybody is reading this or not, but I'll keep writing anyway. Good practice!

December 28, 2009 - A new week -

We watched "The Sound of Music" last night. Watching it was enjoyable until I began to think that the littlest actress in the movie was probably in her fifties now. And Julie Andrews, who looks much the same today as she did back then, is in her seventies! The movie is 45 years old, at least! I know that because that was the movie my wife and I saw on our first date. It was the third or fourth time my wife had seen it. Don't know if any of the previous times were the result of dates since I didn't ask, and didn't want to know.

What I remember about the date was that my wife-to-be wore a brown dress. During the movie I would look over at her when she wasn't looking and think to myself how incredibly beautiful she was, and how, even after barking at her before I knew her (see one of my previous blogs) she still accepted my asking her to go out. Amazing!

We found a bit of treasure last night as we rummaged through the freezer to see what we had in the way of meat. The treasure? Two fantastic doughnuts with maple frosting! These were doughnuts we purchased back in May as we were returning from our trip to Maine and Vermont.

We were coming back through Pennsylvania and needed to stop and buy some gas. As we pulled of the road - it was not an interstate, but was kinda built like one with entrances and exits - I spotted this sign that said 'maple donuts'. "We need to find this place," I told my wife, so a-hunting did we go. Successfully, I might add.

We found the doughnut place and went in. We decided to have a couple and some coffee, and take a break from driving. I ordered a blueberry creme and a maple. The blueberry creme one felt like it weighed two pounds! It was the most filling I have ever seen in a doughnut, and was absolutely delicious! After eating that, I was full. But, being a person that never quits, unlike the Indianapolis Colt's management, I proceeded to slowly bite, chew, and swallow my maple doughnut. At last, I was finished! "Let's get out to the van so I can pop the belt on my pants and breathe again!" I pleaded.

Anyway, these doughnuts were what I would call REAL doughnuts. They weren't round cakes with frosting, nor greasy loops weighted down with thick batter; they were real doughnuts. If you've never had anything but a Krispy Kreme, or a Dunkin' Donut, you haven't had a real doughnut. These were old fashioned, made by hand and not machine, doughnuts!

They were so good, we decided to purchase a dozen of the maple frosted ones and bring them home with us. My wife, kind hearted soul that she is, wanted to pass them out to our grandchildren. I thought to myself, they won't last that long!

But, as usual, she won. I don't know if she stuck the two we found last night in the freezer without me knowing, or, more likely, I just forgot about them after we put them there. In our refrigerator freezer, things are often placed in there to keep, and then forgotten about, found only when we take everything out to see what we have.

Thus was the case last night. We left the doughnuts on the counter to thaw out, and had it this morning. I say "it" because my wife gave me one, but she didn't eat the other one. Me, the guy trying to loose weight, and I get the doughnut. Life, as it should be lived, I suppose. I'll just have to compensate the rest of the day to make up for it.

Just a second left to toss in my thoughts on the "perfect" season, now past, that the Colts threw away yesterday when they pulled several key players and ended up loosing a game they would have won. As one angry respondent put in a comment on the game - why were the first 2.5 qtrs important, but not the last 1.5? Good question. I guess we can look towards Indy being bounced out of the playoffs early this year. Too bad. The players have done great, but the management, those irritating creatures that wear the suits and run amok trying to act like they have brains, once again ruined something great! Reminded me of the lawyers who now run the military... which is why we loose at war now...

December 27, 2009 - Typical Sunday... I guess

Took the tree down. Went to the dump and got rid of it. Bought three plastic containers to hold the ornaments. They should be able to be put in the attic... someday soon, I suppose.

Strange sights -

I do believe the people in this country are going crazy...

Sitting in Starbucks. Couple came in. He looked to be in his fifties, she in her forties, I guess. They went and ordered. His drink came first, so he took it and sat down at a table. She received her drink and proceeded to walk past him and sit at the bar running across the front window. He waits a few minutes, gets up, and goes and sits by a table closer to her. She finishes whatever she had, gets up and leaves. He gets up and follows her. Go figure...

Went to Qdoba for dinner tonight. Looked across and their was a "family" sitting in a side booth. Father in a corner, son sitting next to him, daughter in the other corner, and mom's plate waiting for her on the outside of the booth. Mom comes, picks up plate and sits at the table behind father. Daughter gets up and follows mom to other table. Son gets up and follows mom to other table. Dad eats alone.

Many young people (anyone under thirty) tend to ignore the presence of anyone over fifty, as if they were invisible. I guess the young have not come to grips with the fact that every day they move closer to becoming "old", and being ignored... Too bad I probably won't be around to enjoy their trying to figure out how they ended up getting old.

Was surfing through others blogs last night and noticed they were a lot more dressed up than what mine is. I guess I'm going to have to start learning how to dress mine up so it won't look like it was written by an old person who just doesn't understand how blogs are supposed to look and how to achieve a better look. Maybe I'll get my ten year old granddaughter to help...

Saw on MSNBC that the pundits are saying that the jobless rate will continue to be very high, possibly throughout the next decade, which starts in five days. The seven million plus jobs lost, added to the three or four, or more million jobs that went overseas is one reason. They say that companies will not be hiring because they won't need to. They can fill vacancies with part-time people and OVERSEAS WORKERS! Or, just threaten the ones they already have into working harder for no raises. Real patriotic, these companies. The article also indicated that the middle class would continue to be "hollowed out", which I guess means they will fall into the upper lower class, or lower than that as well. Companies will not be willing to give much in the way of raises because they don't have to. Thus, the rich get richer, and the rest of us go to seed...

Of course, the "Health Care" bill that is proposed will add to the countries misery, what with mandating everyone must buy health insurance, and small business has to offer it to any employees. Does anyone really believe that doing that is going to help increase the number of small businesses in this country? If you do, please explain to me why anyone would like to start a small business knowing they have to expend many more dollars just to be in business?

Mind you, I am not against health care reform. It sorely needs it. I cannot understand why pharmaceutical companies can raise the cost of their products 10% or more in an economy that has been running in a negative inflation path for over a year - (but, that's not covered in the bill). And, insurance companies should not lock out people based on a pre-existing condition. In the past, pre-existing conditions may not have been covered for a period of one year, but at least one could get insurance to cover all the other things.

And if people do not think there are already "death panels", look at the insurance companies that dump insurance holders, or refuse to pay for expensive treatment.

And, our esteemed congress did not touch tort reform! Doctors pay outrageous rates for malpractice insurance. Try and find a lawyer that will take on a malpractice lawsuit. Most will not touch them because they are so difficult to prove, and therefore many people who have a case never see anything done about it.

Were you aware that the democrats in congress do not care what the people want? They fully expect that they will loose so many seats in the house and senate next year as a result, but figure they have the means to ram this through, and by God they are going to do just that, the people, and logical reform be damned!

Howard Dean, the one time presidential candidate, and leader of the democratic party, has said they need to kill this mess and start over. And he's a BIG proponent of health care reform!

Congress - arrogant and ignorant, and we foot the bill!

This process is yet another step towards the two class society the government has been working towards for some time, decades, in fact. Don't look now, people, but the US is headed for third world status.

December 26, 2009 - The day after

Christmas was yesterday. Today, there are only 364 more shopping days until Christmas.

"Dennis The Menace" comic in the paper today - Dennis was sitting on the bed with his dad, and Dennis said, "If God made everything he must live in China."

The snow is almost all gone. There is standing water in the yard, as the ground is so wet there is no place for it to soak into.

Our friend from Denmark left today to return to Manteo, NC. We had a great visit and enjoyed having him here. We are going to try and head down that way sometime in late January, weather permitting.

The Christmas tree comes down tomorrow! Once again, there will be a trail of needles across the floor from where it stood for the last two weeks to the door, the porch, the yard. I'll probably take it to the dump sometime this coming week. They grind them up and turn them into mulch.

My wife and I had an early dinner today. It was too late for lunch, and not time for dinner, so we coined a word, or words, to describe the time we ate: one was 'lupper'; or perhaps 'slunch'; or we could use 'linner'. Take your pick.

Tomorrow is Sunday, a Starbucks day! This is good, as I have not done much reading over the past few weeks. I need to buckle down or I'll never finish reading all my books.